Self-analysis

Disclaimer: I’ve never taken pyschology and I don’t know anything about it. Therefore, the majority of this information comes from the internet or fictional books and movies.

I’m insecure. I need clear directions and strong approval, or else I’ll second-guess myself. I think this may have been started in middle school when I was kind of on the edge of a friend group and always felt like I was one misstep away from being dropped from the group. It didn’t help that I was sometimes left out.

I can’t talk to guys. Specifically the ones that are around my age. I can talk to my brother and his friends, and adults, but not people my own age. And I don’t think there was a point when this started, I’ve just never really talked to guys. Honestly the last guy friend I had was when I was in kindergarten. When I say I can’t talk, I mean that I can say words, but I’m not really aware of what I’m saying and I’m sure it comes out sounding stupid or they don’t understand or can’t hear what I’m saying.

I’m an introvert. Again, I’ve never been super loud or outgoing. I spent a lot of time alone in third and fourth grade and that may have influenced this.

I hate having my picture taken when I don’t want to. School pictures? Gross. Parents taking a photo on my birthday? Please don’t, not when I’m breaking out. If I want people to, then it’s fine. If not, I’m as uncomfortable as hell.

I have no friend group. I had a small group but then one of them left and then she stopped messaging me back. And it’s kind of hard to make friends with people when I’m not outgoing or have different hobbies and it’s junior year and everyone already has all the friends they need.

I’m the clingy one. I’m the one that people leave behind because they move on to bigger and better things and as a result I can get a tiny bit jealous and try to stay in touch with them and end up annoying the hell out of them.

When my English teacher assigned us a paragraph on traumatic experiences, demons and how they affect you today, I somehow doubt he expected this. Which is why I wrote a generic paragraph about emergency situations and how I felt inadequate in them until I learned more about them. I’m predictable because that’s how I get approval.

I think I’m asexual or demisexual. I know I’m straight but I have no romantic feelings towards anyone in real life. (Fictional characters, now that’s a different story.) But probably asexual, considering I don’t talk to guys, and I’ve never really seen the need to do so.