10/27- I’m alive (kinda)

Hey guess what I’m back-

I thought I no longer needed to write out my thoughts but I was very very wrong. Turns out school is a lot more anxiety-inducing than I remember. So yeah. Here I am. Only kind of alive, because honestly I feel kind of dead inside? Like I just checked my English grade and I have a C in participation and now I’m scared I’m going to fail because I’m too stupid and insecure to freaking raise my hand. And also I have about 3 friends. I’m not even kidding, there are only three people that I’m always comfortable talking to. I spend a lot of time alone. I have three classes where I don’t know anyone, so I basically am silent half of the day. College apps are stressing me out. My procrastination is worse as ever. And I’m very very sleep deprived, as evidenced by this babbling.

The only good things in my life right now are food, music, TV and photography. Like actually tho. And my family life is good too.

But my life’s a mess and my room’s a mess and as always, my brain is messier than those two combined.

Also I’ve forgotten how to write. Forgive me, it’s been 4 months.

~the short awkward one

(as short and awkward as ever. Don’t worry, that hasn’t and will probably never change.)

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5 thoughts on “10/27- I’m alive (kinda)

  1. Hope you don’t mind some unsolicited advice but please don’t call yourself stupid for not wanting to raise your hand in class. That type of participation can be very difficult for some people who are introverted and/or shy. Even when they know the answer (which I’m sure you do), it is just too much to actually want to speak up. It certainly can be frustrating to be introverted/shy in a world that has a bias to extroversion and it is hard not to get down about it. But calling yourself stupid is a path that doesn’t lead to good things.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hey! Hey you!

    Good to see you back 😉 You and your wonderful taste in music!

    College Applications . . .UUUUGGGGG. Two words: Fuck ’em.

    “em” isn’t really a word, so I suppose one and a half words.

    They’re a long process and annoying: I feel you, I have five months to get in my common applications and one more semester to make sure I have the classes done needed to transfer. It’s a stressful time, I’m sure the doesn’t help with your anxiety at all.

    Also, I was you in high school. I don’t think you’re stupid because you have struggles in raising your hand. I consistently got failing grades in participation my entire k-12 career and it never compromised my actual grade in the class. I hate that grades even have a “participation” section, when in reality you can be an exceptional student with struggles in speaking up. That doesn’t make you any less of a student or a person. Wishing you all the luck for this school year!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I really appreciate this, thank you! It’s kind of a relief to know that other people have felt this way too, because no one else in my class seems to have this issue with participation. I’m very much hoping it doesn’t bring my grade down.

      And good luck to you too, with your college tranfer process!

      Liked by 1 person

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