4/20- flaws

Flaws, by Bastille- When all of your flaws and all of my flaws are laid out one by one…

 

Just off the top of my head, here are my flaws:

  • I’m insecure, I care what people think
  • I’m way too shy
  • and loyal to a fault
  • sort of closed to new experiences and new people in general
  • laziness and procrastination
  • lack of motivation
  • sometimes moody/standoffish
  • I have my head in the clouds most of the time
  • I don’t work well with others
  • I’d rather be reading than making my own experiences
  • I’m passive aggressive- sometimes stubborn and sometimes I just don’t care

~the short awkward one x

4/15- who I don’t want to be

We had an assembly today, and it was stupid and kind of a waste of time. But I hated the fact that people around me had blatant disrespect for those running the assembly. There were two girls who were being the hosts and one girl next to me kept talking over them basically for the sole purpose of disrespecting them. I mean, yeah, I didn’t like it either, but that doesn’t mean you just let people’s efforts go to waste. Like the assembly was lame, but that’s basically the definition of a high school assembly, and at least it kept moving without any pause, which if you think about it must have taken a lot of planning. I wanted to yell at that girl, because the thing is, I used to know her, and I’m pretty sure she could not have planned an assembly or even stood in front of the microphone and talked to more than 2000 people. I know for sure I couldn’t. When I was a freshman, I actually wanted to be friends with her, and she rejected me just to make herself feel good. I was so confused for the longest time why she wouldn’t be friends with me, and I can’t believe I honestly thought it was my fault. It was all her. She’s just plain mean, the type of bully that tries to build themselves up by pushing others down.

I never ever ever want to be like that. If there comes a day when I can’t appreciate effort, I’ll end up like her. So I’ll try and stay positive.

🙂

~the short awkward one

4/8- weekly playlist

Hey I’m currently on vacation but all of these songs are super super good and I’ve been listening to them all the time, so check them out if you want to-

  • War of Hearts, by Ruelle

  • Skiss 2 (Summer Heart Remix), by Alice Boman- ok so this song and the one above it were on this show called Shadowhunters which I’m totally obsessed with. It’s based on the Mortal Instruments books, and both the books and the show are amazing (the movie was eh.) It’s probably not for everyone but it definitely got better throughout the season so if you do try it, at least get to the second or third episode.
  • Cheap Thrills, by Sia
  • We Don’t Talk Anymore, by Charlie Puth ft. Selena Gomez
  • Dangerous Woman, by Ariana Grande
  • Wild Things, by Alessia Cara

~the short awkward one

4/2- mental health update

Over the last month, I’ve been okay. Not good, not bad, just okay. I’m still in pretty much the same situations, but unlike before when they were causing me to be anxious and have stress, now I just kind of feel nothing. I still sit by myself sometimes, I haven’t made new friends, I haven’t become better friends with anyone, I still can’t talk to guys, and the only real place I talk to people is here. But now I guess I’ve gotten used to it, and I’m just numb. That’s probably not super healthy, but I feel like it’s better than listening to super-sad music all the time.

Music, lots of TV, ice cream, blogging, photography, reading, and YouTube have been my escapes from reality. I also started trying to exercise a little while I watch TV, so maybe that’s been helping me?

The point is that right now I feel mentally better. But spring break is literally 4 days away so that probably contributes to some of it. Also school’s like actually getting hard, and I’m getting busier so I have less time to overanalyze my actions. So I’m just keeping my mind occupied. I will probably have some anxieties and some social awkwardness still, but I’m in a better mental place.

(or this numbness could be holding back all my emotions and ai’ll just have a huge emotional meltdown someday, like an erupting volcano. Now there’s a nice thought.)

~the short awkward one