2/8- what you don’t know

I may seem fine when you look at me (other than being completely silent) but what you don’t know is that for hours after every awkward encounter, I analyze it over and over in my head and it just keeps spinning in a continual loop, usually accompanied by whatever song is stuck in my head even if it doesn’t fit the situation at all.

And then I stress about it and how it will affect the way you talk to me tomorrow.

Imagine liking someone, the way you take in every little detail of what they do, the way the act, the words they say, the subtle differences (that you might be imagining) in how they react to you.

Now picture going through that with every person you interact with. You don’t even like them and you don’t want to care how they see you but you do and you hate that.

It’s exhausting.

Is this what anxiety is? If so, I have it.

So that’s what you don’t know, okay?

  • Daydreamin’, by Ariana Grande. Listened to this yesterday, got it stuck in my head today, had nothing to do with my mood today, but I do love this song. It’s very lovey and cute.
  • Sweater Weather, by The Neighborhood. Wow okay so this song is what I would consider “old” and honestly it just randomly got in my head I didn’t even listen to it or anything…
  • Those Magic Changes (cover), by Jordan Fisher (on Grease Live). I recorded this show a while ago but I only got around to watching part of it today and this song was my absolute favorite part.

I’ve been so lazy, I have tons of new music to listen to and put into playlists but lately I’ve just been listening to songs I know… I’ll get around to it sometime.

~the short awkward one


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