I haven’t been posting as much since it’s finals week and I’ve been studying for Calculus mainly, which I took today. I’m really scared to see how I did because I had to stay a little while after to finish and I almost ran out of time.
But anyway, after the test I waited a little while outside for my friend, and then we talked the test a little bit, and we just kept walking until we got to a group of her friends, and they called out to her. Then I think I just kind of panicked and mumbled something about finding another friend so I turned around and left.
Which is irrational because I’m pretty sure her friends are nice people but the problem is I don’t know them so I ran away and I don’t even know if she noticed and then I remembered that I needed to ask her something. But I don’t know if she thought I was super awkward for just leaving, I’m not even sure if she heard me say goodbye and maybe she just thought I disappeared. And so I was going to message her to ask her something but then I thought about it and if she was maybe mad for me leaving like that and now I’m too scared to message her because she might not reply if she’s mad. It feels like I get rejected every time someone reads my message but doesn’t reply and it messes with my head, even though rationally I know it shouldn’t matter that much.
Should I or should I not message her? It’s kind of important but at the same time I want to bury my head in the sand and pretend that me leaving like that doesn’t mean I have serious issues.
I’m going to, and she’s not going to reply. And then I’ll obsess about it and get paranoid that she doesn’t want to be friends anymore.
See how fun it is being an insecure, socially anxious, paranoid freak? Really, you should try it sometime. Not.
- Human, by Christina Perri. I guess everyone has weaknesses, and this insecurity is one of my many.
- Hotel Ceiling, by Rixton. I’ve been staring at the hotel ceiling. Love love love love love the lyrics. Seriously.
- Boom, by Laleh. Has nothing to do with this post, but it was buried deep inside one of my playlists and I found it when I was reorganizing. Super catchy.
~the short awkward one
who really should be studying right now hahaha procrastinating