WARNING: The following blog post contains a little whining, some repetitiveness, a good deal of self-pity and a lot of random tangents. Props to you if you read it (even more if you understood it). This post does not contain music because I am tired as hell and can’t seem to bother.
It is now officially past midnight and it’s the new year. I just heard fireworks going off when I took off my headphones. I feel kind of pathetic right now because I was just sitting here reading and listening to music alone in my room when I’m sure normal people my age went out and to other people’s houses and watched the ball drop and were social.
Music-wise, 2015 was amazing. Tons of good albums and new artists that I like and amazing songs, and I really hope 2016 is just as good in that department.
Social-wise, this year was shit. I figured out that I probably have some sort of social anxiety and of course I don’t want to have it, but I don’t know how to make it stop or go away. I just want to be a normal, social person but it seems more difficult for me than it is for other people. Everyone else knows that they’ve got a group of friends that they can absolutely count on and I haven’t even got one person who would put me in their list of Top 10 friends. And a normal person would say to just get off my butt and go out and just make friends. It’s not that easy, because when I meet new people I don’t make eye contact and I’m kind of closed off and it stresses me out inside to find anything in common with them and it generally ends up being awkward because I feel like they don’t want me there. And this insecurity has always been there ever since middle school. I’m needy, insecure, introverted, socially awkward and I look and sound like a 12 year old. Yeah, who doesn’t want that kind of friend?
It’s just how I am. I don’t like it either, but I can’t fix myself.
Ugh this doesn’t even make sense. Maybe I should just try and make myself into an emotionless robot, then I won’t stress out about this stuff as much. Wow that made no sense either, I’m useless right now.
So basically I hope in the new year there’s a lot of great music and maybe someday I’ll magically overcome my awkwardness. Or maybe I’ll magically meet a friend who can tolerate my awkwardness and insecurities.
Anyway, good riddance, 2015. Hopefully 2016 won’t be any worse.
~the short awkward one