1/30-Liebster Award

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LIEBSTER AWARD RULES:

  1. Thank the person who nominated you and link back to their blog.
  2. Display the Liebster Award on your blog.
  3. Share 11 random facts about yourself.
  4. Answer the 11 questions you were asked.
  5. Nominate 11 bloggers with less than 200 followers for the Award and have them answer 11 questions.
  6. Let the other bloggers know you’ve nominated them.
  7. Copy the rules into your post.

Thanks terrymcnude for nominating! Much appreciated. Sorry it’s taken me so long…

11 Random Facts:

  1. For 5 years I wanted to be a baker when I grew up. I can’t even bake.
  2. I like cute fluffy animals but my family’s allergic so I can’t have any.
  3. I’m super short. As a 16 year old I barely reach 5 feet.
  4. I’m terrible at driving.
  5. I love reading.
  6. I think I have social anxiety.
  7. I’m addicted to music.
  8. I actually don’t like formal writing.
  9. I can’t talk to guys.
  10. I love the Big Bang Theory, Undateable, and Supergirl.
  11. I like listening to the sound of rain.

11 Questions I Was Asked

1. What would you do if you pissed your pants in university?

I would die of embarassment. I’d probably run away and dissolve into a puddle of tears.

2. When was the last time you pissed your pants?

When I was really little, maybe kindergarten.

3. How does one get rid of stress?

With music, a good book, and chocolate. Or TV and chocolate. Basically anything involving chocolate.

4. Guilty pleasures?

Watching the Disney Channel, because I know it’s meant for 12 year olds, but it’s nice to escape real life into a place where everything has a happy ending.

5. What are your thoughts on white lies?

I tell them all the time and I have a feeling it’s going to bite me in the back one day. It’s hard to be 100% honest, like when someone asks you, “How are you doing?” And you say fine, even if you’re not, because they don’t actaully want to hear about your problems.

6. Ironman or Captain America?

I don’t know too much anout this but I’d say Ironman just because he’s got a cooler suit.

7. What do you love most about a person?

I love people who are loyal and who genuinely care about the people in their lives.

8. What do you dislike most about a person?

I dislike people who are fake, obnoxious, or pretentious. There’s a lot of people like this out there.

9. Why did you start writing your blog?

To expose people to music you might not hear on the radio, and to vent about my life.

10. I love you, do you love me?

yep, I think you’re an awesome human being. You and whoever else is reading this!

11. Was the dress white and gold or black and blue?

Blue and black.

11 People I Nominate 

Okay, so this post has actually been done for a long time. This is the part that took me the longest because while I have more than 11 followers, less than 11 actually read my blog. So if you’re reading this, congrats. I nominate you!

11 Questions for the People Above

  1. What’s your favorite song at the moment?
  2. Who’s your favorite music artist?
  3. Why did you start a blog?
  4. What’s one thing you can’t live without?
  5. What is your favorite TV show?
  6. What do you think is your quirkiest habit?
  7. What’s your favorite social media site?
  8. What’s one word that describes you?
  9. What’s your favorite thing to do besides blogging?
  10. Dogs or cats?
  11. Who is your idol?

~the short awkward one

1/29- choosing to be alone isn’t bad

So. I did it. I sat alone at lunch-on purpose. And surprisingly, it wasn’t bad.

I just went to one of the “shared learning spaces” at my school, which is pretty much just an open space with some tables and chairs. There were about 5 tables and at each table there was 1 person, just being alone like I was.

I just listened to music, did some homework, and ate some food. It was really relaxing, I think because I didn’t have to try and spend energy on being social. I could just sit there and not stress and not care if I was being antisocial. It was so much easier than trying to interact with people in a big group.

I’ll probably keep this up, unless I happen to find someone I know being alone like me. But I guess there’s a difference between being left alone and choosing to be alone, and I much prefer the second.

  • Find You, by Zedd ft. Matthew Koma and Miriam Bryant. Love their voices, it’s very peaceful sounding for an electronic song.
  • Tell Me That You Love Me, Victoria Justice. Victorious was by far my favorite show when I was younger, but this song isn’t like the rest because it’s very mature and classy for a kids’ show.
  • Clown, by Emeli Sandé. My new “phase” is Emeli Sandé. Really love her voice and her lyrics are very poetical.

~the short awkward one

1/27-1/28 -get me out of here

I want to know what people honestly genuinely think of me and why they always seem to end up leaving and moving on to better things. Like my friend just kind of switched groups with no real warning and that’s ok because I still have a group of friends but I didn’t know what that meant and I’m confused because I somehow feel offended and I shouldn’t, right? I mean, she went to her boyfriend’s group…

*mini-rant start* But honestly why because I understand your boyfriend is a nice person and probably more fun than I am and I’m sure you want to spend all your time with him and put him before your super loyal friends but realistically you’ll break up one day and guess what you won’t have any friends except me because I’ll just keep giving second chances. I’m just stupid like that. And maybe the reason I feel like this is because you don’t put him over your other friends, you just put him over me and I know I’m not your best friend and you have actual best friends but you’re pretty much the closest thing I’ve got to a best friend and that sounds really sad but it’s probably true. *mini-rant fin*

^ too shy and unconfrontational to actually say that, also it would make me sound really pathetic, so I’ll post it on here instead

I still haven’t figured out my lunch situation and I kind of wish I had a car so I could go drive around and pretend I went to Starbucks or something when really I could just be alone for a while. But I’d have to get my license for that to happen.

If people knew what was going on in my head they’d stay even farther away than they do now.

~

1/28- I just feel disconnected to the world and the time I feel most connected is when I’m watching someone else’s fictional life on a screen at 11pm while I’m alone and buried in blankets.

~

  • Colors, by Halsey. Super catchy, very stuck in my head right now amidst all this other junk.
  • Read All About It, by Emeli Sandé. You’ve got the words to change a nation//But you’re biting your tongue//You’ve spent a life time stuck in silence//Afraid you’ll say something wrong. 
  • All Time Low, by Stacy Clark. Also stuck in my head, from the webshow Guidance with Amanda Steele.

~the short awkward one

 

1/25- what do I do?

Today was the start of second semester, which for my school means different seats, different schedueles, and different lunches. I don’t like change. I really don’t. The seat part was okay, even though in one class I did end up in the middle of  a section which makes me feel trapped. But for the most part it was fine.

My new class, Photography 2, ended up being a lot more advanced than I thought it would be, and it’s definitely more for people who are serious about photography. If I work hard I should be fine, but I felt a little out of depth next to all these people who knew so much about photography.

The worst part was lunch. My school has an A lunch and a B lunch, and basically in second semester, the people with A lunch would switch to B lunch and vice versa. However, since I had semester classes, I had a different class and my lunch stayed the same, so my lunch friends ended up being in a different lunch.

So I had to find people to sit with. Easier said than done. I followed my friend from Photography to her lunch group, but Here’s the thing- I can’t function in big groups where I only know a couple people. If I know a bunch of them pretty well and there’s only a couple I don’t know, I’ll be fine. But in her group, I literally only knew her and one other person. I would have stayed silent the entire time because I wouldn’t have known if I had anything in common with those other people.

That happens a lot, in large groups. I just end up staying silent. I’m at my best, social-wise, one-on-one or in a group of 2 or 3. Any more than that and I feel incredibly out of place.

So I told my friend I would find another group. I think she could tell how nervous I was about it. I left and found someone I sort of knew, and that was fine until she was joined by her large group. And I pretty much ended up staying silent the entire time anyway.

What do I do? Do I join my friend from Photography tomorrow and see how that goes? Do I stay with the group from today even though I was super uncomfortable? Does either group even really want me there? Is it awkward of me to kind of invite myself into a group like that?

This is why I prefer music to people. Music, I understand. Social situations, not so much.

  • Beneath You Beautiful, by Labrinth ft. Emeli Sandé.
  • Geronimo, by Sheppard.
  • Rather Be, by Clean Bandit ft. Jess Glynne. 

Song choices heavily influenced by the show Pitch Slapped, super good a capella if you like that.

Also, can anyone help me find a song that’s stuck in my head? Please help, it’s driving me nuts.

  • kind of electro-pop
  • the first words sound like, “you could be the….”
  • Female singer, sounds like Charli Xcx
  • The first electronic sounds are (on the piano) E E E E (down to) C C, (high) C C C C (down to) G G.

~the short awkward one

1/24- Lorde

One of the most original voices I’ve heard, and her hit song Royals put her at the top of the charts. But she has a ton of other amazing song that are a little less well-known.

  • Team
  • Tennis Court
  • Everybody Wants to Rule the World (cover). From the soundtrack of The Hunger Games: Catching Fire, this is an amazing cover of an older song. I think it’s a brilliant idea for popular artists today to make covers of old songs, so it brings that old music to new ears.

  • The Love Club
  • White Teeth Teens

~the short awkward one

1/23- busy busy

I’m really falling behind with this blog, I had such high hopes this year but I’ve just been getting busier. Finals are over, so I get a brief reprieve while I stress out over what my math score is going to look like. Next weekend I’m going to a debate tournament, so I’ll be prepping for that this week. The week after that I have the AMC and ACT so I probably need to study for those. I need to take my test to get my driver’s license sometime. And I’m going to try and volunteer more.

But tomorrow I’m going to relax. I’m going to watch The Bachelor and exercise, and play piano, and take pictures and listen to music and make yummy food.

  • be my forever, by Christina Perri ft. Ed Sheeran. We’re on top of the world//we’re on top of the world//now darling, so don’t let go. Ed Sheeran’s on a break from any kind publicity until the fall and I don’t know if I can wait that long. Of course he’s earned it, but I’m definitely going to miss the fact that he’s not releasing new music for a while.

  • I’ll Keep Loving You, by David Guetta ft. Birdy and Jaymes Young. This is such an interesting song, because the singers have a more acoustic sound usually, but they sound amazing here.
  • Just The Way You Are, by Bruno Mars. This is basically as far back as my music knowledge goes. Anything before this, I will have no clue about. I love the piano intro and the lyrics. Basically everyone should know this song, even if they’re not a huge music person.

~the short awkward one

 

1/20-me being awkward

I haven’t been posting as much since it’s finals week and I’ve been studying for Calculus mainly, which I took today. I’m really scared to see how I did because I had to stay a little while after to finish and I almost ran out of time.

But anyway, after the test I waited a little while outside for my friend, and then we talked the test a little bit, and we just kept walking until we got to a group of her friends, and they called out to her. Then I think I just kind of panicked and mumbled something about finding another friend so I turned around and left.

Which is irrational because I’m pretty sure her friends are nice people but the problem is I don’t know them so I ran away and I don’t even know if she noticed and then I remembered that I needed to ask her something. But I don’t know if she thought I was super awkward for just leaving, I’m not even sure if she heard me say goodbye and maybe she just thought I disappeared. And so I was going to message her to ask her something but then I thought about it and if she was maybe mad for me leaving like that and now I’m too scared to message her because she might not reply if she’s mad. It feels like I get rejected every time someone reads my message but doesn’t reply and it messes with my head, even though rationally I know it shouldn’t matter that much.

Should I or should I not message her? It’s kind of important but at the same time I want to bury my head in the sand and pretend that me leaving like that doesn’t mean I have serious issues.

I’m going to, and she’s not going to reply. And then I’ll obsess about it and get paranoid that she doesn’t want to be friends anymore.

See how fun it is being an insecure, socially anxious, paranoid freak? Really, you should try it sometime. Not.

  • Human, by Christina Perri. I guess everyone has weaknesses, and this insecurity is one of my many.
  • Hotel Ceiling, by Rixton. I’ve been staring at the hotel ceiling. Love love love love love the lyrics. Seriously.

  • Boom, by Laleh. Has nothing to do with this post, but it was buried deep inside one of my playlists and I found it when I was reorganizing. Super catchy.

~the short awkward one

 

who really should be studying right now hahaha procrastinating

 

1/16- crowds=bad

(Haven’t posted in a few days, I’ll make it up with this longer post.)

We had an assembly in school yesterday because it’s MLK day on Monday, which was very nice, they not only focused on MLK Jr. but also equality in general.

And they were talking about sexual equality and I was interested in the different identities, which led me to a Wikipedia search just now on demisexuality. Which is something that sounds like it might fit, but at the same time I haven’t had any relationships-I’m only in high school- so there’s nothing to base this off of. So I’m probably going to wait and see what happens with that, because that’s just a whole other can of worms. (Such a weird phrase.)

Anyway, this assembly was right after 2nd period where I have no friends, none at all, and we were sitting by class so I had to walk through a giant crowd by myself- our school has almost 2000 people, who were all trying to move into the gym at the same time-and try to not get smushed, and then I was packed in between two people who I barely knew and I’m a small person, but I still need breathing room. And I stayed like that for the hour-long assembly.

Then I tried not to get trampled while getting off the bleachers and then I had to make my way back to class and get my stuff through the same giant crowd and it wasn’t until I was on my way to 3rd period that I noticed that I was kind of out of breath and it seemed like I had been for a while, like maybe since the assembly started or even since the crowds since I never feel like I can breathe in a crowd.

Crowds are hell for short/small people. We can’t see anything, we’re trying not to get squashed like bugs, and we’re basically adrift in an ocean of bodies. So do us a favor, and if you see a short person struggling, don’t make life worse for them by stepping in front of them or shoving through the crowd.

But other than that life has been fine. I’m making playlists, trying not to die studying for finals, and procrastinating by watching TV. If you like comedy shows, try Superstore and Undateable, they’re my favorites. And I’ve also started watching Pitch Slapped, which is a reality show about a capella teams.

  • Hide and Seek, by Imogen Heap. One of the teams performed this a capella and it sounded super cool. I’m not really sure why there’s a snippet of “Whatcha Say” by Jason DeRulo in the middle, but it sounds nice.

  • All About Us, by He is We ft. Owl City. I had this stuck in my head and couldn’t figure out what song it was for an entire day, but this was one of my favorite songs from the Mortal Instruments soundtrack (I have to start watching the TV series too…)
  • Sleep, by Azure Ray. From the soundtrack of the Devil Wears Prada, great movie and great song.
  • Open Season, by High Highs. This is actually in Pitch Perfect, my favorite movie ever. (But I liked a capella before Pitch Perfect. I watched all the seasons of the Sing-Off, the show that Pentatonix won, before Pitch Perfect was made.)

Music from movies and TV is amazing. If the movie is good then the music is memorable and vice versa.

~the short awkward one

 

 

 

 

 

1/12-still reorganizing..

…while studying for finals. Best. Plan. Ever.

And it’s still a mess but I’ve shuffled some smaller playlists into some bigger playlists so it looks less messy. Emphasis on “looks,” because right now I have no clue where my favorite songs are and that’s not a good feeling. As of now I’ve finished 3 playlists- “retro style,” “can you not,” and “empowerment.” And then I have about 8 other playlists that are absolute catastrophes.

  • Blow Me One Last Kiss, by P!nk. Actually forgot all about P!nk, how did that happen? That’s the only good thing about reorganizing-rediscovering your favorites.
  • Piano, by Ariana Grande. Such a feel good song. I especially love it because I’m a piano girl.

  • Blonde, by Bridgit Mendler. She’s primarily an actress, and right now she’s on Undateable Live, which is my favorite show ever. The cast is super funny, they all work well together, and the humor is kind of quirky. And it’s live on TV, which is really impressive. Also, I’m not actually blonde, I’m Asian, but it has a really nice melody and the lyrics are amusing. Fun fact-when I was in kindergarten all I wanted was long blonde curly hair. I was such a weird kid, and not a very bright one either.

~the short awkward one

1/11-honestly, no clue

I have no clue what I’m doing with my life. My Spotify is a mess, my room is a mess, my mind is a mess, my life is a mess and basically I’m a mess.

  • Close Your Eyes, by Meghan Trainor. Super good, it has a message and it’s in her kinda throwback style.
  • La La La, by Naughty Boy ft. Sam Smith. So cool to play on piano. I’m covering my ears like a kid//When your words mean nothing, I go la la la.
  • Bang My Head, by David Guetta ft. Sia & Fetty Wap. I actually think this would sound super interesting if it were slower and acoustic, I might try that out someday on piano.

~the short awkward one

p.s. I have finals soon, so I’ll try and post as much as I can but it won’t be as often or the posts will be shorter. But I’ll pick it back up once finals are over!