12/26- more ranting

I know I shouldn’t be ranting. All I do here is rant and/or drown in self pity. I just had a very nice Christmas with my family and I received some very nice headphones, and then today I spent a bunch of gift cards, which should make any ordinary person happy.

But while I was spending those gift cards, I saw a girl who I used to be friends with in middle school, and she’s the first person who friend-dumped me. So I had no clue what was going on and naive little seventh grader that I was, I just wanted to know why she didn’t like me anymore. (after that I wasn’t as naive. And after that I started thinking realistically. As in, “There’s no realistic way that you could ever be friends with that person. Just don’t talk to them.”) Looking back, it may have been that I was too clingy and eager to please. (Haven’t learned from my mistakes-I’m still like that.) Or maybe she internally knew that she would end up being pretty and popular and needed to make friends with prettier, less weird people.

Anyway, it just ended up being kind of awkward and now we go to the same high school and she hasn’t acknowledged my existence since the first semester of ninth grade. And that’s not necessarily the part that bothers me. The part that bothers me is that today I went around a corner in the store and I saw her in line to pay- and she looked at me- and this look was just disinterest mixed with disdain. She couldn’t even force a smile because God forbid I smile back and go over there to talk to you. You wouldn’t want anyone to see the unpopular little nobody talking to you. (Which I had no intention of doing. That would be miles beyond awkward, and I’d have a panic attack.) I don’t understand why she had to give me that look. Here’s my (internal) message to her: “Why the hell would you give me that look okay seriously you already succeeded in making sure we would never be friends and you don’t have to be mean about it years later because I sure as hell never did anything to you so cut it out” (this said in my head while I broke eye contact and ducked back around the corner.)

And I hate how I’ve reacted this much to one mean look even though I shouldn’t care anymore. Ugh I’m stupid.

And there’s no songs that fit this either, because they’re all about romantic relationships and that totally doesn’t fit. So just take out the romance aspect and you should be good.

  • Bad Blood, by Taylor Swift ft. Kendrick Lamar. To the loyal little puppy that was seventh grade me, I can say that I felt a tiny bit backstabbed. How I wish I had an amazing girl squad that would just blow everything up.

  • Problem, by Ariana Grande ft. Iggy Azalea. By not being friends with a mean girl, I got one less problem without ya.
  • Popular Song, by Ariana Grande ft. MIKA. Can this happen, please? Ariana Grande just gets this. I think she said she was bullied growing up, which is definitely more serious than this, but it would explain how her lyrics fit perfectly.

Yeah okay random rant but I don’t like this girl and how she triggers me feeling sad and inadequate so I just thought I’d safely rant about it and get it out of my system.

~the short awkward one




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