12/9-growing up

When I was little, all I wanted to do was get older- be big and tall and confident and glamorous. None of that happened. Instead I stayed short, insecure and awkward with an added bonus of social anxiety. I wish I could go back in time to when life was simpler and I wasn’t as tired and I smiled a lot more. I didn’t overthink things, I didn’t feel lonely, I didn’t have a care in the world. Obliviousness is happiness. Now I see the real world and what an intimidating place it can be and I just want to curl up into a ball and pretend I’m 9 again and my biggest worry was that I would run out of books to read. I have so many worries now- if I’m ever going to have friends, where I’m going to college, what I need to do in order to get there.

So basically growing up sucks, we don’t realize that until it’s too late, and it doesn’t make a difference because you can’t stop time. I want to force the world to stop spinning for a little while and let me catch up because it’s going too fast.

At times like this when my brain is overloading with depressing thoughts and I can’t sleep, music is my escape.

  • Give Me Love, by Ed Sheeran. I’ve been listening to this for years and years and it’s just perfect. Ed Sheeran can do no wrong. Give me love like her/’cause lately I’ve been waking up alone.
  • The Parting Glass (hidden track), by Ed Sheeran. This is the song that’s hidden behind Give Me Love. I believe it’s an older Irish song, but his cover of it is so nice and soothing and makes me kind of sleepy but in a good way.
  • Waiting Outside the Lines, by Greyson Chance. Again, a longtime favorite. My friends were obsessed with him when we were in middle school and they were the ones to introduce me. His voice was amazingly clear back then, and this was before his voice changed. He made more music after his voice changed and it became so deep and baritone, I couldn’t believe it was the same guy. (I don’t spend a lot of time with guys so I haven’t really seen this dramatic voice change firsthand. I was really suprised when my friend told me that yes, by the time they’re juniors most guys shave.)

^that went on a really random tangent. But yeah I’ve loved these songs forever and you should give them a listen.

~the short awkward one


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