10/5- anxiety part 2

I get super quiet in big groups and around guys and people I don’t know. And by quiet I mean I literally clam up and say nothing. Is this normal? Is this what you’d call social anxiety? No one else seems to have this problem and they all know what to say and when to say it. And I just sit there feeling like a socially awkward freak and kind of hide behind my hair. So when I get out of that situation and mentally beat myself up for saying nothing, I start running through songs in my head or on my phone, and it seems okay. But seriously, I have like 3 friends I .can say anything to. And even then they have their own groups of friends that I don’t know and I get awkward around.

Like when I join a club at school by myself and I don’t know anyone there, I sit there like a lump while everyone else is talking. And when my friends are gone from school, I have to find another friend who’s sitting with a group, and I pretty much eat silently. Guess what? Both those things happened today. So I ended up listening to music for about an hour when I got home-

  • Cool Kids, by Echosmith. Great band, great message. Everyone feels this at some point in their life. I pretty much feel this every day.
  • Fools, by Troye Sivan. Again, I love Youtubers’ music, and the video series for this album was amazing. I am tired of this place, I hope people change…

  • Life of the Party, by Shawn Mendes. He’s literally perfect, and so is his music. He’s the whole package- piano, guitar, singing, and probably a lot more.

~the short awkward one

ps: if I don’t have anxiety, then I’ve at least got a whole bunch of problems, starting with perpetual awkwardness.

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