9/26- homecoming

At my school, today’s the homecoming dance. I’ve never been to a high school dance and I want to, but at the same time I don’t. Like I should go so I have that experience, but I’ve heard they’re overrated. You know, lots of awkwardness and/or drama, sweaty teenage bodies (in a crowd- I hate crowds) and overplayed music.

I’m at home watching Masterchef, doing my nails and listening to some (decidedly not overplayed) music-

  • Mine, by Phoebe Ryan. She’s got a sweet, kind of airy voice, and super cool turquoise hair. Definitely one of my favs.

  • Golden, by Travie McCoy ft. Sia. I’m a huge fan of Sia just in general, but I love this one because it’s super upbeat. I don’t know too much about the rapper guy, but I love his lyrics, so I’m going to look him up later for sure.
  • Dear Future Husband, by Meghan Trainor. Super sassy, bouncy and fun. All her music has a kind of 70s-retro vibe, and her videos are colorful and pastel and polka dotty and I’m in love with everything she does.

also s/o to me for not making this a pity party like I so often do…

~the short awkward one

ps: I might mention the same songs on different posts. If it bugs anyone, just deal.

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9/23- thoughts & thinking

I’m pretty sure I’m an overthinker. I make everything way too complicated. I think too much about other people’s opinions, about what I’m going to wear or say or act. I wish I didn’t, but I do and I really don’t see a realistic way around that. Boosting self-esteem, maybe, but I don’t see how I’m going to do that either. And yes I know it doesn’t matter what people think and they probably don’t care too much anyway, but at some point it became a big deal and now I don’t know how to stop-

  • Invisible, by Skylar Grey. The first few lines may be a little overkill, but essentially it’s about changing yourself to fit in, and no one even noticing. I’m in love with her voice.
  • Sit Still, Look Pretty by Daya. This is a feel-good song, and it’s what I wish I could be- independent, not caring what others think.
  • Little Me- Unplugged, by Little Mix. The piano in the back is to die for, and it’s a great power ballad. Also, I’m finding that the lyrics apply to me. But their voices together, it has an amazing effect.

~the short awkward one

ps: no, this wasn’t a pity party. I was just thinking.

9/21- tired

I’m super tired and demotivated right now, honestly all I want to do is curl up in a ball and sleep. Books and movies make it seem so easy to become motivated, usually after a life-changing event, but I don’t think I’m ever going to have one of those epiphanies. It’s easy for them, those fictional characters, because they know it’s going to work out one way or another (unless it’s a tragedy.) But I’m still not sure of my ending, no one is, and without knowing exactly what I’m heading toward how can I be motivated? I hate not knowing.

I’m going on 4 hours of sleep and that made no sense, didn’t it?

Here’s the music-

  • Life of the Party, by Shawn Mendes. Shawn Mendes is amazing. I’m really relating to these lyrics right now because this is what I want, to just let go and have fun and not hide in this stupid cocoon of quiet I’m always in.
  • Clear Blue Sky, by Skylar Grey. Love love love her voice, and her music is great when I’m feeling sad or moody. According to books/movies/tv/etc, life is great, it’s that clear blue sky. But the way I’m seeing it right now? It’s a complicated sky with rain and lightning and tornadoes.
  • Hiding Places, by Xenia. Her voice has the greatest texture, and the melody is both happy and sad somehow. Basically about a hiding girl, who lets someone in to share it with her, and I want this. So much.

If you made sense of this post, you get me. If not, listen to the music. Give it a try.

~the short awkward one

9/16- artist of the day

Guess who- a singer/songwriter with an awesome voice, who has helped write a ton of chart-toppers, nicknamed “Pop’s mystery girl,” and really deserves more recognition?

Julia Michaels!

  • Trade Hearts, by Jason DeRulo ft. Julia Michaels. Their voices harmonize, and they both have incredible vocal runs in this song. So I wish I could trade hearts with you/ so I can feel the same way you do.

  • Daisy, by Zedd (ft. vocals by Julia Michaels). Zedd’s latest album, True Colors, has a lot of great artists- Troye Sivan, Echosmith, etc. but this song is one I always play on repeat.
  • and now some songs she’s helped write- Good for You, by Selena Gomez ft. A$AP Rocky; Love Myself, by Hailee Steinfeld; Miss Movin’ On, by Fifth Harmony; and probably more I haven’t found yet!

~the short awkward one

ps- I’m terrified of spiders and there was one in my room only it ran away and now idk where it is and I’m scared to fall asleep. What if it bites me??? Ew creepy.

9/15- anxiety

image

Ok so I don’t know if that pic is readable, but it’s so accurate (side note- follow @ fallinginsociety on insta because their posts are so relatable). Basically it’s saying that class participation shouldn’t be required. And I’m super quiet and I hate even raising my hand, much less participating in discussion. I’m pretty sure I have anxiety when I have to participate, my hands start shaking really bad, my mouth gets really dry, and my heart starts thumping really loudly in my chest. Other than participation, I’m a pretty good student, and I pay attention and I’m good with anything except talking in front of the class. So I have my mini internal freak out, and then I go and have some music and ice cream therapy at home-

  • Ghost, by Halsey. Her voice is so nice. So so nice. All her songs are literal perfection.
  • Happy, by Marina and the Diamonds. I’ve found what I’ve been looking for/in myself/ found a life worth living for/ someone else. Again, she’s got the coolest voice and lyrics. But what I really like is the background vocals and piano, they just make the song so much better. Check it out:

  • Young and Beautiful, by Lana del Rey. I have a thing for movie soundtracks. The Great Gatsby, Fault In Our Stars, Paper Towns, Fast and Furious 7, Red Band Society (I know it’s a TV show, but it legit had the best music. And then they stopped making it😥) Anyway, this song is lovely to play on piano, even without vocals.

btw, all these songs are from the same playlist, “anthems.”

~the short awkward one

9/13- new music

When my favorite artists release new music, I freak out and listen to it on repeat and learn all the lyrics and play it on the piano and get obsessed-

  • Same Old Love, by Selena Gomez. I’ve been a fan ever since wizards of waverly place. I really don’t care if it’s about JB or not, it’s just a great song. Also features Charli XCX, but I think she’s only in part of the chorus.
  • WILD, by Troye Sivan. I have a big weakness for youtubers who make music. First, his videos are amazing. Also his fashion sense is just on point and his voice and his writing and everything and his accent it’s literal perfection 😍
  • Stand by You, by Rachel Platten. This came out like 3 days ago, and it makes me happy but also I wish I had someone to stand by me… It’s a great song and I love her voice and the lyrics.

~the short awkward one

9/7- music before it’s popular

You know when you find this really good song or an artist that no one knows about, and then bam! The song/artist gets super popular overnight and goes on Billboard Hot 100 and all the big radio stations? I love that feeling. It’s like my taste in music is setting the trend lol.

  • Fight Song, by Rachel Platten. I found this song because one of my friends met Rachel Platten before this song became a hit. It makes me happy that a) another singer/songwriter is successful because those people make great music and b) I found it before it was popular.
  • Popular Song, by Ariana Grande ft. MIKA. So when I was in middle school, I was obsessed with the show Victorious. And Ariana Grande was on Victorious. This was before Ari had her hit song Problem and therefore before she was superfamous. Yay for my discovery 🙂
  • Miss Movin’ On, by Fifth Harmony. So they were already kind of famous I guess, for winning the X Factor, but their music wasn’t on top charts or one the radio like it is now. Love Fifth Harmony, girl power all the way!

~the short awkward one

9/5- long weekends are the best

No responsibilities, not a care in the world, it’s like summer never even stopped. (yes I’m actually capitalizing things now :P) Basically I feel free and I’m loving it.

  • Rockstar, by A Great Big World. The piano intro to this is so cute and light and happy sounding yayyy and also A+ on all of their song lyrics ever.
  • Bottled Up Tight, by Luke Sital-Singh. I feel the fire/I see a flame set me alight/bring me desire bottled up tight. I mean, those lyrics.. how can you not love them and his voice is super calm and soothing and his guitar omg what even.
  • Locked Away, by R. City ft. Adam Levine. I’ll listen to pretty much anything Adam Levine/Maroon 5, and I like the kind of reggae vibe with this song. It’s like Rude, but so much better.

yay music and freedom

~theshortawkwardone

9/1- first day of school

that was a terrible experience. first i got the wrong schedule and then i didn’t have friends in most of my classes and now it’s just hit me full force that i may have friends, but i don’t have a “group.” and i don’t mean that in a clique-y way i just mean i have a bunch of friends, but none of them know each other. and this is high school and it’s supposed to be one of the best times of my life according to disney and high school musical and stuff but it just feels really bad like honestly can i go back in time to elementary school when i was little and didn’t give a crap about makeup or boys or the tiny nuances of friendship like you were either friends or you weren’t, it was that simple. if you’re not in high school yet, enjoy the time you have. if you’re out of high school, you’re lucky. if middle school is your awkward phase, then high school is your “figure the whole rest of your freaking life out while studying snd trying to have a social life” phase. i’m just super pathetic snd pouring my heart out to a computer and no one will probably ever read this and this is again another giant pity party which i have pretty often so some sad songs are coming out-

  • I’m A Mess, by Ed Sheeran. so true, i feel like a mess 24/7.
  • Cry, by Alexx Calise. ok so i’m not to the point of crying yet, but her voice is great and so are the lyrics.
  • Tower (Don’t Look Down), by Skylar Grey. sometimes i feel like everyone’s going places but me and i’ll be left behind all alone and this song pretty accurately describes that feeling.

don’t tell me other people have it worse. yes of course they do, but that doesn’t mean my problems don’t matter. and no i’m not going to do anything extreme about these things, because i think this is a pretty healthy outlet.

~theshortawkwardone (i truly am wayyy awkward. maybe that’s part of the problem)